well, i told you guys that i'll write something after the national exam, but i can't handle these feelings that i want to share with y'all.

first of all, i want to ask you guys something. have you ever felt upset or clueless or hopeless? 

have you guys ever felt this feeling when you want something, and it feels like the distance is far, far, far away from you? well, i feel this a lot. this might be called upset.

when you have something, and you don't know what to do with that thing. maybe i can call that as clueless.

you put a lot of efforts for the things you want most and when you get closer with that, something bad happened. and all your dreams vanished away. this is how hopeless felt.

i feel like, i get lost in the forest, and i don't even know way back to home. i don't recognize myself anymore. i just think that the 'old' myself was already gone. away.

sometimes, i cry. almost a river. i can't stand these feelings, that really wants me to break myself into pieces. 

no one listen your words, no one recognize you, no one help you, no one stay beside you.

but suddenly,

i remember that i have Allah.

He will always listen me, my sadness, my happiness, everything.

He will always stays beside me, when no one do the same. When everybody are busy with their world. But, Allah will always there for me. Sometimes i feel sad and guilty, because it feels like i've been far away from Him.

i know, this is my adolescence, my transition year, from a little kid, to a teenager. but it seems like, yesterday i'm just a little kid, have fought with my brother or my sister, caused by a toys or something unimportant.

i've woken up as i write this post. 

i have to put more efforts. i have to fight those little ghosts on my mind. i have to erase away my fears. and face the reality, and be fearless.

as Tobias said, 

BE BRAVE

ciao! x